One of the aspects of diet culture that we don’t talk about as much is how it can rob us of real enjoyment of our physical activity.  Have you ever hit that wall where going to the gym just starts feeling like torture?  Not because of the exercise itself, but because it just doesn’t feel emotionally fulfilling at all.  I want to challenge you to bring some joy back into your physical activity and make a point to add back in some sort of movement in your life that feels refreshing and freeing, not torturous. 

From a young age we are intuitive (for the most part) on what movement excites us. We decide whether we want to move our bodies by performing arts or by playing sports. Typically, we start an activity in primary school and carry that with us through high school and if you are really talented and passionate about the activity, you can perform at the college level and beyond. If you decide not to continue your extracurricular activity through high school, you may begin to feel pressure to exercise and work out to look a certain way rather than because you love the movement. 

I started to go to the gym in high school. I can remember saying “I can eat whatever I want because I workout.” I compared myself to my smaller-bodied friends and wanted to look like them.  I think that is when my unhealthy relationship with working out began. I worked out almost every day! I either ran or went to the gym. I found a passion for running. I loved the way it made me feel physically and mentally. I would go to the gym and run on the track for an hour straight. Looking back I think, how did I do that without getting bored?!! 

As I ran more and more everyday, I still had the “I can eat whatever I want because I workout” mentality playing on repeat in my head. I realize now that I viewed food as black and white. If I continued to run I could eat whatever, if not I could not eat what I wanted and fulfill any cravings. My main motivation for running (although I truly did find some mental peace with it for a while) was to maintain a smaller body that I so desperately wanted to have like many of my friends did. I would think to myself “they could eat whatever they wanted and still have a rockin’ body, why can’t I?” However, we know there is more to health than just the size of your body. 

I kept up running for most of my college career, because I thought I had to work out intensely for an hour a day to keep the college 15 off. My relationship with running and food really didn’t start to shift until I pursued my Dietetics degree. I love nutrition and obviously, that is why I became a dietitian. I geek out on nutrition and started to geek out on fueling myself for long runs and training for half marathons. That is the first time I realized I shift in my mindset of working out and food. 

I started to properly fuel myself before runs, during runs and after runs. I truly felt great! I  remember receiving compliments for how I looked while training and remember thinking “Yes, I look like how my high school friends did! I’ve done it.” (Just a reminder, complimenting people’s weight and body size IS in fact a trigger). Anywho, I ran another half marathon and loved every aspect of it. 

As I began to train for another race, something in me switched. I wasn’t enjoying my runs anymore. It seemed more of a hassle and commitment than a fun experience. I found myself coming up with excuses to not run my long runs. I even found myself coming up with reasons not to run my short runs. I wasn’t running for fun anymore. It was training for 13.1 miles or not at all. How could I love running so much for what felt like most of my life and now want no part of it? Was I burnt out? Has my knee had enough? What about my weight and body size?

I continued to push through and run the half marathon. It was miserable and painful. I had not done anything different than any of the other races but something was just not right. After that race, I gave myself some time to reflect on what has changed. I did not run for six months. I found different ways to move my body that were more enjoyable. First, I started taking long walks, which are low-impact and less aggressive on my body. Second, I started playing tennis again. I played tennis growing up and in high school and set a goal for myself to pick up tennis again when I moved to Louisville, and thankfully I have! Tennis is fun for me. It allows me to be physically active but not have weight or my body as the main focus. 

Thankfully, with intuitive eating and intuitive movement, I have learned to honor and respect my body. I have found a nice, sweet spot in moving my body to honor my health but not for smaller-bodied purposes. I now eat to fuel my body for long tennis matches or for my health with gentle nutrition. I never think to myself “I can eat this because I worked out” and I’m so thankful for that mindset shift. I have started to go to a gym for strength training to feel strong, because I think that can bring confidence and power in all areas of my life. 

I ran about three weeks ago for the first time since the race. Wow, my body felt way different than it ever had. I have never gone six months without running since middle school. I didn’t dread it. I didn’t push myself. I had an okay time. Maybe one day my mindset on running will change, but for now, I won’t push it. 

If you’re feeling like I used to, try changing your mindset to exercise based on what is most enjoyable and rewarding to you.  It helps me to focus on how grateful I am to be active and to truly enjoy the ways I can move and take advantage of my health.   An example is when I go on walks I think to myself “Thank you legs for moving me around town.” “Thank you legs for allowing me to spend time with my dog and friends.” 

If this sounds applicable to you, I challenge you to find your motivation for moving in ways that truly make you happy and comfortable. I challenge you to add gratitude in your movements.  I challenge you to find joy in those movements, not because they’ve “earned” you a cheat day, but because of the people you can share them with.